At one point, her eyes opened and looked around. My uncle asked if she wanted anything. She struggled to say no, but shook her head.
He wondered if hearing my father's voice would help her let go. My father, her firstborn son, called on the phone. He told her of his love for her and encouraged her to rest.
Last night, I found my daughter distraught...agonizing over her great-grandmother's lingering. She sobbed in my arms. Why? Why do people have to die?
Why do some people live so long and some people die so young? Why?
Why couldn't God have created us to choose only to serve Him? Why didn't He make us without the choice to sin? Why?
Can we go see her tonight? Can we go in the morning? Why?
We decided that if she is still earthside on Monday, we will discuss going to see her again. And yet, how do we decide? It was hard to go Tuesday, while she lay, looking for the words to say...
How do you say thank you? How can you thank someone for that which words cannot convey? How do you communicate a love that is such a part of who you are? How do you say good-bye until eternity?
I told her of my love. I told her of my gratitude. I used simple statements, hoping she would hear them and know. I kissed her. I rubbed her arm. I stroked her hair. I whispered the request I've longed to give to one so near to heaven...
kiss my baby for me.
I cannot fathom how she feels right now... so long without something to drink... does each breath bring pain?
is she full of longing for it to be finished? is she remembering years gone by? is she already in His light? does she feel His presence? several times I thought I heard her say light. was it His light already? can she see the angels, waiting to take her hand? is there something that holds her here? does she have a worry? does she have unfinished business with the Father? can her soul commune with His even now?
Thou shalt come to thy grave in a full age, like as a shock of corn cometh in in his season.
Job 5:26
2 comments:
Tears are rolling down my cheeks... "kiss my baby for me"... the thought, the feelings, the emotions - I am sure your Grandma will hold her in her arms when the time comes. (((( hugs )))) xx Gill
Angela,
I was excited to find your blog! I wanted to read it through, but your latest entry sopped me - I am in puddles. Your tender heart, wisdom, and gentleness comes through in abundance, along with your amazing love. It's going to be beautiful morning, and sooner than we think you'll be hearing all about it.
Fondly,
Jan, (Tracy's Mom gggg)
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